Remote Wellness Blog—SA Student-run
For as long as I can remember, I have carried this quiet weight on my shoulders. The need for things to be perfect. Whether it was writing assignments, applying for opportunities, or even small tasks like arranging my desk, I wanted to look flawless. On the surface it might seem like perfectionism means striving for excellence. What it really meant for me was living in constant fear. The fear of failing, fear of disappointing myself, and worst of all, fear of letting down the people who love me most.
The truth is, perfectionism does not just push you to do better, it can eat away at your peace. I have spent hours overthinking tiny details, redoing things that were already good enough, and criticising myself in ways I would never criticise anyone else. When exhaustion finally hit, I did not just feel tired, I felt like I had failed. It’s a lonely place to be. Convincing yourself that you will never measure up, not because people told you that, but because your own mind whispers it constantly.
For me, this fear often tied back to my family. I am a student living, miles away from home, in another province. My mom, my aunt, my older sister, my grandmother, and my uncle’s wife have always been my biggest support system. These women are the ones I turn to when I feel overwhelmed, and they are the ones I look up to when I need strength. But even with their love, I convinced myself that they expected me to always succeed, to never falter. I told myself that being tired was not acceptable, that not getting every job I applied for meant I was letting them down. So even though they were proud of me, I carried this fear that I was not measuring up to the version of myself they deserved.
But then, one day, during a call with them, something shifted. We were talking about my studies and my life away from home. instead of judgement or disappointment, what I heard in their voices was genuine concern. They were not measuring me against impossible standards. They just wanted to make sure that I was okay, safe, and taking care of myself. They reminded me of the reality of being a young woman in South Africa. Living far from family, that my well-being mattered more than flawless grades or constant achievements. Then it hit me that much of the pressure I felt was not coming from them at all. It was me. I had built up this idea that if I was not perfect, I was letting everyone down, including myself.
The realisation did not erase the fear overnight, but it gave me perspective. I began to see how perfectionism was keeping me from living fully. I was so focused on chasing the “perfect version” of myself that I was not giving myself permission to simply be human. I forgot that I am still young, and this is the time when I am supposed to make mistakes, to try new things and fail, to learn who I am outside of everyone’s perspective. Mistakes are not evidence of weakness; they are proof that I am growing.
It’s easy to feel like imperfection is failure especially when you want to make the people you love proud. But more often than not, the people who love us do not need us to be perfect. They just need us to be okay, to be safe, to be present. They want us to know we are taking care of ourselves, even when life feels overwhelming. And maybe, in learning to accept that, we can start offering ourselves the same grace.
Perfectionism will always try to convince us that we are not enough, but the truth is that we already are. We do not need perfect opportunities, or a perfect version of ourselves to deserve love or be proud of where we are. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to show up tired, show up imperfect, and show up anyway.
So, if you have been caught in the cycle of perfectionism, I hope you remember this: you are allowed to stumble, to rest, and to not have it all figured out. You are allowed to be imperfect and still be worthy of love and success. Life is not about being flawless, it’s about being real. And sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do for ourselves is to stop chasing perfection and start embracing the messy, beautiful truth of who we already are.
