Remote Wellness Blog—SA Student-run
No one warns you about how deeply relationships can shape your mental health, especially in university. You go in thinking that it’s all about classes and books, but soon you realize that your heart, mind, and emotions are just as much on the line as your academic record.
For me, navigating love, heartbreak, and even friendship in university was not easy. You know what they say, right? No man is an island. As shy as I am, I was able to make friends within the first two to three weeks of classes. I was thrilled that I found my people who understood me and did not think I was weird. That felt amazing. I was on a roll: good grades, distinctions. Some relationships drained me, some healed me, but all of them changed me.
The Relationship That Broke Me
In our youth, we long to explore, especially through love. I met someone in the middle of my first semester. At first, everything seemed great. He was loving and sweet.
But over time, his reactions made me question everything.
One night, after a minor argument post-date, instead of making sure I got home safely, he left me to walk alone. Vulnerable. Afraid. In a country where safety is uncertain, how could someone who claimed to love me do that?
Soon, arguments started creeping in before assessments. He would avoid clarifying things I asked and laugh when I questioned certain girls he posted about. Slowly, I stopped speaking up. I stopped defending myself. And that was my breaking point. I was losing myself.
So, I walked away.
It left scars. I questioned everything, but through his silence and emotional distance, I still rose. I earned a certificate for outstanding academic performance; I was second in my class. I may have lost love, but I refused to lose myself.
How It Affected My Mental Health
I became emotionally exhausted. Insecurity crept into every part of my life: how I looked, how smart I was, and even whether I was “enough.” I was not struggling academically because I was lazy; I was carrying emotional pain in silence. I became someone I did not recognize, and that broke my heart even more.
Here is what I went through:
- Anxiety: I felt like I was never enough, for him or for anything.
- Depression: Some days I did not eat. I stayed in bed and ignored the world.
- Academic burnout: I didn’t miss assignments or classes, but I was not motivated.
- I stopped working out: I had no energy left for my body.
My turning point
The day that I decided to choose myself again was not dramatic. It was quiet; I just sat on my bed and whispered, “I can’t do this anymore.” Thanks to the help of TikTok creators like Grace Mondlana, Simon Sinek, Lerato Nxumalo, Thembeka, and many more, I found the courage to stop fearing solitude and start over. It took weeks to pull away. Months to rebuild. But slowly:
- I got back to stretching in the morning.
- I started journaling again.
- I reached out to my friends, the ones I had pushed away.
- I remembered that love should never cost you your peace.
The Relationship That Rebuilt Me
It was not a new relationship with someone else. It was a relationship with me. I started treating myself like someone I cared about:
- I gave myself rest.
- I moved my body gently.
- I forgave myself for the mess.
- I found strength in being alone.
And one day, I looked in the mirror and saw a woman who was healing slowly, beautifully, and fully.
What I Have Learned
- Love should never silence your voice.
- Your mental health is more important than someone else’s attention.
- It’s okay to walk away from people who feel heavy.
- School and romantic relationships don’t mix. And that’s okay.
- Fitness and health are not just about your body; they are about how you protect your peace.
For Anyone Going Through It Right Now
If you are in a relationship of friendship that’s draining you:
- You’re not weak for feeling tired.
- You’re not dramatic for needing space.
- You’re not alone.
You deserve love that builds, not breaks, and the most important relationship you’ll ever have? The one with yourself.
